that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i wish my penis had a tongue
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
