so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
