When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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