he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
