I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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