ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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