Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
