I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
