I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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