Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
