i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
