I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
