so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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