Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
