She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
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who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
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to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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