I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
