We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
