just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Congratulations! We have a period
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
