The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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