I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
