my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Life without a bra equals bliss.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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