She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
