Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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