thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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