she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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