Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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