I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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