Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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