maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
