His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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