I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
