How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize