dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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