Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
