In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Even my vagina gasped.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
