This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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