McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
