I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
