Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize