his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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