conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
