he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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