I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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