$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
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So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
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Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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