dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
