He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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