Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
