she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
