new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
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