So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
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My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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