You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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