You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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