i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Holy shit dude........stairs
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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