Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
