just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize