also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
