sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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