Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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