id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
