I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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