i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
