i think i have herpe
just one?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
