I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
