This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
