i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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