why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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