I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
please don't ironically join a cult
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