Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
