I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
