Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
