You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
